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Life scripts / life stories and
and sexuality… make the following questions about sexuality as in number 5… Your
answers to these questions will provide you with insight into your own
development. If you wish please contact us to discuss your answers via email...
see the links panel along the side for further details.
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What kind
of things were your parents pleased with you for doing?
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What kind
of things did your parents disapprove of?
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How did
you respond and what did you decide about yourself when they approved /
disapproved of you?
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What
sentence best describes your parents view of life?
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What
sentence describes their view of sexuality?
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What do
approve of in your life now?
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What do
you disapprove of now in your life?
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How do you
respond now to those things you approve of?
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How do you
respond to what you disapprove of?
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How does your current life reflect that of your parents?
The Life Script
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This theory and information is from
Transactional Analysis
A
script is a personal life plan which an individual decides early in
life and is based upon his or her interpretation of the external and
internal events which affect them.
The script is
a decisional model - this is very important - if I chose my own script
then at any time given the right circumstances I can choose to make a
change in my script. (When this change takes place in therapy the
client is said to have made a Redecision.)
A potential
script decision is made when a person discounts his own free child
needs in order to survive. Only after several discounts does the
decision become part of the script unless the situation carried a great
deal of significance such as the death of a parent or sibling.
Script
Decisions are the best the child can manage in the circumstances.
Yesterday's best choice made by the child in a land of giants may now
be very limiting to the grown adult. People follow their script because
of the pay off, a familiar feeling, attempting to avoid the loss of
love and in an attempt to gain love.
SCRIPT MESSAGES
come from:
1) MODELLING
by parents, siblings, others demonstrating how to = the Programme (accepted Adult messages).
2) ATTRIBUTIONS,
the big person in Parent defining the little person in some way, e.g. “You're just like .....”.
3) SUGGESTIONS,
indirectly giving the message from parent, e.g. “Keep at it until it's right”. (Be Perfect).
4) INJUNCTIONS
from the child ego state making demands on the person, either DO or DON'T.
NB: Messages can frequently contradict each other.
DRIVERS
(Described by Taibi Kahler) From the Parent Ego State stating that the child will be OK if he/she follows a message which says:-
You will be OK if you.....
Try Hard - Be Strong - Hurry Up - Be Perfect - Please Me –
TWELVE INJUNCTIONS
(Described by the Gouldings in teh book Changing Lives Through Redecision Therapy).
Injunctions come from the infants parents scared or angry Child ego state:-
Don't
be, Don't be you, Don't, Don't be Important, Don't belong, Don't be
close, Don't be well / sane, Don't think, Don't feel, Don't be a child,
Don't grow, Don't succeed.
It is
important to note that the child responds to these injunctions and
makes a script decision... It is these negative script decisions which
will possibly causing difficulty as a grown up.
Permissions
are also given to the child, these will be the opposite to the
injunctions, e.g. Do think, etc. The script can be elicited in various
ways, the questionnaire being one, and it is drawn out on a script
matrix.
The matrix is
one of the earliest pieces of work done as a Transactional Analyst. The
analyst will then design interventions based upon the information
within the matrix. In therapy the injunctions are always to be dealt
with first rather than Drivers which may well be the thing that keeps
the person going. E.g.
"I will be
perfect then I can live." -- No matter how tempted don't
invite this person to stop being perfect, until they have made a
decision to live regardless of how imperfect they are!
The OK Coral:
One
of Berne's best know concepts is the idea that folks are born OK, The
phrase I am OK - You are OK has become a part of folk language...
In infancy,
often pre-verbally the infant will make a decision as to how they
related to others and themselves ... This is called their existential
life position.
Early life
experiences will determine the person's Existential or Life position.
Once decided upon, the Life Position influences how the person thinks,
feels and behaves.
There are four basic life positions and Frank Ernst developed these into the well known OK Corral.
I am not Ok with me
You are ok with me
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I am Ok with me
You are ok with me
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I am not Ok with me
You are not ok with me
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I am not with me
You are not ok with me
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WORKING WITH A FAIRY STORY
Is one of the ways of
making changes in therapy...
The
following stories were told to me by a 42 year old lady who had worked
on the land most of life but now works hard in a factory.
She
had a tragic script in which she had planned to die at the age of 48,
having already written her farewell suicide note and will.
Early
on in my work with her she described herself as a person who was frozen
in her relationship with others. She went onto tell me her favourite
fairy story was the little matchstick girl, which had often been told
to her as an infant.
THE LITTLE MATCHSTICK GIRL
One
Christmas Eve there was a little girl who was trying to sell her
matches, but everyone was too busy getting ready for Christmas, and so
did not want her matches.
As the day got
colder and turned into night she had not sold a single match, so she
had no money to buy any food. She found a corner to shelter from the
wind and snow, but she was getting colder. She struck all her matches
one by one to get what warmth she could, but they soon ran out, so she
tried to get to sleep.
The next morning a little boy went out to play on his new sledge and found her frozen to death.
NEW ENDING
The
client struggled for some time with writing a new ending to the
story... however she eventually did do so... this became a turning
point in her life. She had made a redecision to live into old age.
The new ending:
As
she was about to light her last match a little old lady came to her to
buy her matches. As it was her last one, the girl said that she could
take it, the money would not be enough to buy her food.
However, the
old lady was alone and so she asked the girl to come home with her to
keep her company. The old lady found the girl a good worker and they
became good companions. A few years later the girl met a nice young man
and they got married, had three boys, and lived happily ever after.
PS: Even with
this new ending you might be able to see there are still elements which
in an ideal world we may want to change... However this new ending did
fit with the clients experience of life, she did and always had worked
hard in order to survive financially.
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